What do I really want?


Apparently, I really don’t know what do I really want or what should I do. I don’t know. Have you guys any have struggles like this?

Well, it’s hard. I’ve been thinking a lot. On what do I want to do or what are the things should I do but I really don’t know. These past few days, as I’ve surf through net, seeing people outside, watching TV and more, I kept thinking, what I really wanted to be or is there something I should do to satisfy myself? There’s something lacking, I know. I can feel it, but I don’t know where and what should I start.

My life has been through a lot ever since I started college. I was challenged physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. It’s a hard battle and it’s still on going. There are lots of things I wanted to do but I ended up not doing anything. You get this moment “I will do this later” and when that moment come I don’t do anything. I’m like being frozen or something. It will just came that I don’t feel like doing it and then I’ll keep thinking again if there’s something more that I should do OR there are moments that I am so enthusiast to do something but I can’t do it because something’s blocking you or stopping you to do it. Then I ended up really doing nothing.

Where do I start? It’s like I’m lost. Like I don’t really know myself anymore. I sometimes question what my future leads ahead. There are a lot of things I wanted to try and look for but I don’t know if that’s what I really wanna do or it’s for me. I envy those people who are doing those things they really love. I envy those people who found what do they really want to do. I want to be like that too!

I’m losing focus. So many things in my head and so many things that I think I’m capable of, I ended up not knowing what do I really want to do. This is really hard for me because I feel like nothing at all. Everyday, it’s all the same. It’s becoming boring. I try to give effort but I feel like they’re just wasted.

Sorry if this is really emotional. I just thought I have to write about this and thank you if you’re reading as well as you give advice. Thank you.

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